In the Space Between Yes and No

The space between yes and noIn the space between yes and no, there’s a lifetime. It’s the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it’s the gap between who you thought you could be and who you really are; its the legroom for the lies you’ll tell yourself in the future. 
~ Jodi Picoult


Affair Rationalizations: Who Stopped You?


When a cheater sets off on the journey to Affairsville, they pack a few items into their bindle before chirpily skipping down the hackneyed path that many others have forged ahead of them. Not least in that little bundle of important items are the cheater’s rationalizations for their affair. These rationalizations come in …

Continue reading

Affairs: How Could You?

How Could You?! Something that most faithful partners struggle with is trying to understand how their cheater could cheat. What was the reasoning and thinking that led them to make the choice to have an affair? How could they ignore, break, or suspend their commitment to their partner and their …

Continue reading

Rewriting History

The Cheater Script - Rewriting History

The Cheater Script I’m going to go make a little wager here. I am willing to bet that when you found out about the affair, you had a conversation (or screaming match) with your cheater that had some similarity to this little scenario:   “Why an affair? Why that?” “I …

Continue reading

The Power of Mayonnaise

Changing Yourself After Discovering the Affair Have you found yourself vigorously scrubbing the toilet with your toothbrush, considering giving yourself an industrial strength Lysol swirly, as the words, “You’re a terrible housekeeper” ring in your ears? Maybe you’ve swathed yourself in foil and plastic cling wrap like a modern-day mummy, …

Continue reading

Their Needs, Your Faults

Infidelity & Affair Help: Fault & Blame

 Unmet Needs: A Cheater’s Justification “If you had satisfied my needs sexually I wouldn’t have needed to cheat.” “I felt lonely in the marriage so I cheated to feel connected to someone.” “You didn’t give me enough time and attention so I had to look elsewhere for it.” Sound familiar? …

Continue reading

Affair Help: The Cheater Code Deciphered

It’s often a source of amusement in our Affair Help Chat Room that there is a Cheater’s Handbook out there somewhere. Perhaps a single dog-eared copy that gets passed around via the library system? Maybe it’s magically delivered by the affair equivalent of a stork when the choice to have …

Continue reading

It’s Not Infidelity - It’s Sex Addiction

Claiming a sex addiction can seem to some like a legitimate and compelling excuse for infidelity. It allows that the infidelity and betrayal wasn’t personal, but was a ‘physiological response’ to an addiction; “I would never deliberately cheat on you - my addiction made me do it”  or , “I …

Continue reading

Don’t Be A Sheeple - Infidelity Myths

Affair Myths

Myths of Infidelity Source: PsychologyToday The people who are running from bed to bed creating disasters for themselves and everyone else don’t seem to know what they are doing. They just don’t get it. But why should they? There is a mythology about infidelity that shows up in the popular …

Continue reading

Why A Cheater Has an Affair

Denise Charles Affair & Infidelity Help

The Art and Science of Cheating by Denise J Charles The more I have witnessed and become acquainted with the stories of couples, both married and unmarried, the more I am convinced that cheating is both an art and a science. Let me explain. Popular culture has done a great job …

Continue reading