In the Space Between Yes and No

The space between yes and noIn the space between yes and no, there’s a lifetime. It’s the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it’s the gap between who you thought you could be and who you really are; its the legroom for the lies you’ll tell yourself in the future. 
~ Jodi Picoult


Affair Rationalizations: Who Stopped You?


When a cheater sets off on the journey to Affairsville, they pack a few items into their bindle before chirpily skipping down the hackneyed path that many others have forged ahead of them. Not least in that little bundle of important items are the cheater’s rationalizations for their affair. These rationalizations come in …

Continue reading

The “It Just Happened” Affair Myth

“I Wasn’t Looking for an Affair; It Just Happened.” by Michele Weiner-Davis Contrary to what many think, infidelity doesn’t just happen. Having been a therapist for a very long time has afforded me the opportunity to meet people from all walks of life with varied opinions, personalities, strengths and idiosyncratic …

Continue reading

Facebook Affairs


Technology makes the world a smaller place. We’re able to talk to people from where ever we are using mobile telephones. We can connect with people from all over the world (and also with people from our pasts) with ease, via the internet. The worldwide web has, without a doubt, …

Continue reading

Affairs & Infidelity: Choice not Addiction

Infidelity & Affair Help: Psychology

As we explored in It’s Not Infidelity - It’s Sex Addiction, despite popular culture labels, the idea of sex addiction is not based on any diagnostic criteria and was again recently excluded from the DSM (American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). Claiming ‘sex addiction’ as cause …

Continue reading

The Mistake Defense

“It Was a Mistake” One of the most common phrases we hear from the unfaithful partner is, “It was a mistake.” They may have admitted the affair, or they may have been unexpectedly discovered in one, but for those who don’t want to lose their primary relationship, the ‘Mistake Defense’ …

Continue reading

Affairs, Fantasies, and Bad Decisions

Why We Make Bad Decisions by Daniel Gilbert Ph.D Dan Gilbert believes that, in our ardent, lifelong pursuit of happiness, most of us have the wrong map. In the same way that optical illusions fool our eyes — and fool everyone’s eyes in the same way — Gilbert argues that …

Continue reading

Affair Help: Excuses and Justifications

Psychology: Infidelity & Affair help

Affairs: “I Treated Myself to a Marital Crisis” by Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D. Excuses for Having an Extramarital Affair “Whoever wants to be a judge of human nature should study people’s excuses.” ~ Hebbel “Fidelity is possible—anything is possible, if you’re stubborn and strong. But it’s not that important.” ~ Michelle …

Continue reading

Affair Help: The Post-Affair Life

Mark Sanford

The Mark Sanford Affair The media is full of recent reports about (former South Carolina Governor) Mark Sanford’s attempt to employ a new staffer to run his campaign for the vacant South Carolina Congressional seat - his ex wife. During 2009 during his tenure as governor of NC, Sanford went missing …

Continue reading

Infidelity: A Bad Decision?

Over the years I have encountered countless occasions where, when confronted with their infidelity, cheaters say, “I don’t know why I did it” and “It was a mistake”. It is far better characterized (in my view) as “a poor choice” or “a bad decision”, and this article by Dr Laura …

Continue reading