Yes, Their Affair Was Your Fault

The Yes Game

The Blame Game Over the years we’ve talked to a lot of faithful partners after they have discovered their cheater’s affair. Most people who visit us are trying to understand why their partner has cheated and how this happened within their relationship. At this very painful point in their lives, people …

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Affair Survival Kit

IHG Affair thinking kit

Over the last couple of months our posts have tried to challenge your thinking and re-frame your responses to your cheater’s affair. All too often support forums and therapists focus on the relationship/marriage, and largely avoid encouraging the pursuit of personal agendas and goals that might result in one of …

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The Signs We Ignore

Suzanne Finnamore“I sensed he may have occasionally strayed in some of his past relationships. It was something I felt but ignored, a rent in the fabric of an otherwise splendid garment I thought I could mend. I thought I could live with it—I thought, yes and I admit it, that I would be different. That at the very least, middle age and children would slow him down; however, they seemed to accelerate his pace.” 
~ Suzanne Finnamore, Split: A Memoir of Divorce

Their Needs, Your Faults

Infidelity & Affair Help: Fault & Blame

 Unmet Needs: A Cheater’s Justification “If you had satisfied my needs sexually I wouldn’t have needed to cheat.” “I felt lonely in the marriage so I cheated to feel connected to someone.” “You didn’t give me enough time and attention so I had to look elsewhere for it.” Sound familiar? …

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The Guilt Trip to Therapy

Did You Cause the Affair? The reactions to discovering an affair are manifold, but the immediate reaction to the discovery of an affair is generally not, “I did this, I caused this.” The initial reaction is more commonly one of an outraged, “How could you?!” In this reaction is the …

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“She Stole My Husband”

Why Infidelity Isn’t Theft Something that can be commonly found on infidelity support sites is a stream of, “She stole my husband”-esque accusations from those whose husband is having an affair. There are many ways in which the faithful spouse can seek to mitigate their cheater’s part in their affair. …

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Infidelity Immunity

Infidelity Immunity: Why Gimmicks and Jewelry Won’t Keep Affairs Away by Lesli Doares Furthering the discussion of radical honesty and its connection to the vow to honor your partner, I think it’s important to address one of the greatest fears couples face:  infidelity.  Like weight loss without exercising or changing …

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Causes of Affairs

Causes of Affairs: Why Do People Cheat on Their Partners? by Margaret Paul PhD (edited) Self-Abandonment Cheating is quite common and the reasons are multiple. Rather than reviewing the many reasons that are the causes of affairs, I’m going to focus on one of the main one — self-abandonment. Self-abandonment …

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Affairs: Choice or Mental Disorder?

Dr George Simon

Related posts: It’s Not Infidelity - It’s Sex Addiction Choice Not Addiction ~ Wayfarer [hr] Mental Disorders and Accountability: Is Everyone a Victim? By Dr George Simon, PhD By now everyone has heard about the outrageous statements made by the notorious child rapist Ariel Castro during his arraignment in court …

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Hope vs Wishcraft

Related post: The Dangers of Hopium ~ Wayfarer [hr] Hope versus Wishcraft by Jeff Murrah Many of you may be wanting your marriage to survive the affair. In your determination to save your marriage you find yourself making wishes about what will happen. You may even refer to your ‘wishing’ …

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