About Infidelity Help Group

iconWhen a relationship is hit by infidelity, our individual responses are founded in our basic belief system, culture, and world view.

There are many infidelity support sites that already cater to providing traditional support for those whose relationships have been affected by an affair.

Infidelity Help Group was founded to bridge the gap between pro-divorce and pro-reconciliation support forums. It was created to provide a platform for a specific message, stance and voice.

Our Stance

This is a secular site with a strong focus on challenging traditional or popular views, thoughts, opinions, and myths about infidelity. The views, opinions, and ideas expressed here may be considerably different to your own foundational views and beliefs.

We take a no-nonsense approach to the issues of infidelity and dysfunction in direct, unequivocal language. The challenging, matter-of-fact tone of this site may not be a good fit for everyone –  we are not trying to be all things for all people. 

We don’t have a stance that is pro-reconciliation, or pro-divorce, or even pro-marriage. We are advocates of self-esteem, self-worth, education, reasoned choice, personal goals, and self-empowerment.

We want you to make choices that are reasoned, clear, and authentic, and we shall never suggest that saving your marriage and then remaining unhappily in it is ‘success’.

  • We don’t see any success in encouraging someone to stay in a dysfunctional or abusive relationship.
  • We don’t see it as valuable, valid, or supportive to attribute a cheater’s choices to a disease state or compulsion, and do not encourage belief in excuse smog.
  • We don’t see any virtue in staying in a relationship where you do not have equal voice, equal rights to independence, and equal commitment to shared values.
  • We don’t see courage in taking the easier path just because it’s easier.
  • We don’t believe that staying in dysfunction ‘for the kids’ is healthy (for them or you).
  • We don’t see willing martyrdom and self-sacrifice at the altar of a cheater as a victory.

We remain committed to our stance and approach, and welcome those who are open to exploring these new (perhaps) and different ideas with us, and who seek to live a fulfilled life ‘Eyes Wide Open’, regardless of their post-affair-relationship status.

Our Content

If our posts seem entirely opposed to Standing, they are. We do not support the wholesale sacrifice or suspension of your own self-interests in order to love a cheater through their affair (and there are usually some attendant abusive behaviors in a cheater in affair-mode, or affair-mode thinking). For this, we make no apology.

However, if they seem opposed to bilateral and authentic reconciliation, they’re not. They are challenging you to see the difference between standing and reconciling, and to see that you have other choices too.

If they seem pro-cheating, they are not. They are highlighting issues of free will, power, and control in both the cheater and the faithful partner.

If they seem hard on the faithful partner, we’ll take that one on the chin. We work with a lot of faithful partners whose thinking is muddled, self-effacing, and fearful – we understand because we’ve been there too. We believe that challenging this type of stuck thinking is important to help people make the best choices for themselves.

NB: We do not necessarily endorse third party posts and include them for interest and to prompt discussion.

Non-Profit

This site is not a revenue generating site. On principle, we do not advertise marital recovery programs because we have an ethical stance against an industry that exploits distress and profits from promoting reconciliation, despite abuse and dysfunction.

We do not believe in holding information and knowledge to ransom, or profiting from others’ trauma. 

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