The New Year is generally associated with resolutions, parties, leaving the past behind, and new hopes for the future, but when life is affected by infidelity the New Year celebrations can seem nothing more than a painful marker in time, that will forever connote all the worst that infidelity has brought to your life.
If your partner is in an affair, please understand that you cannot stop it. Obsession, histrionics, pleading and guilting will not stop an affair, but instead only serve to further the assault on your self-esteem, sense of self-worth, and your self-respect. Instead of engaging in behaviors that do not provide you any positive progression, growth or personal satisfaction, the New Year can be an opportunity to decide to do things differently.
Whilst it is difficult to focus on something other than the upset and fear, try using New Year’s Day to take stock of yourself and review the things in your life that you like and dislike, and what parts of your life are within your control that you would like to change. Perhaps you left hobbies, friends, interests, and personal time behind when you entered your relationship/marriage? Perhaps your time has been entirely devoted to your family, your work, and your partner? When infidelity hits your primary relationship, it seems to infect the other aspects of your life too. Perhaps it’s time to start doing new things, developing new friendships, discovering new activities and pursuits, or picking up old ones that gave you joy, and start giving yourself a break from your ‘normal life’ where it’s all tainted by your partner’s affair?
I’d encourage you to see today as a good day to plan and plot a journey for yourself that liberates you from the mire of fixation and grief, and instead provides you with an opportunity to choose to be an independent, determined, and happier you, no matter how your relationship/marriage turns out. I hope that we can provide you with support and encouragement in that journey.
Wishing you all peace, good health, and inner strength for 2013.